


Burning Man

by itsmadeofgold



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Kradam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-07
Updated: 2010-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-15 22:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsmadeofgold/pseuds/itsmadeofgold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kradam at Burning Man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burning Man

If he didn't have to keep his mouth tightly closed against the sand, Adam would have been muttering a constant stream of curses as he pedaled through the desert. He would've been yelling Kris's name, too, he guessed, although he was starting to feel like maybe he should just let him find whatever trouble he was looking for. It would serve him right, and then Adam could stop this stupid chase and grab a nap in their tent. That sounded lovely.

He couldn't do that, though, of course, and immediately felt guilty just for thinking about it. He had brought Kris here, after all, and was responsible for him. He was the one who had told him it would be liberating, that they'd have a blast, that Kris would find a side of himself that he had never suspected was there. Adam had been more right on that than _he_ could ever have suspected, too. And now here he was, internally grumbling, alternately bringing a hand up to try to shield his eyes from the beating sun and blowing sand and then bringing it crashing back down to the handlebars to try to keep his bike under control, searching for Kris amongst the tents, wooden shelters, sculptures and colorful people that usually looked like fun and freedom and suddenly just seemed like a maze.

He was supposed to be looking after him. How had he lost him? Moreover, how had Kris allowed himself to _get_ lost? Hadn't Adam said a hundred and fifty million times for Kris to stay close to him? Adam growled in his chest, resolutely keeping his mouth closed.

Finally, mercifully, his eyes caught a glimpse of purple off to his right and he veered toward it, thankful again that Kris had wanted to _get into the spirit_ and do something crazy with his hair.

Kris was standing beside a small stage built of bare lumber and strung with garlands of artificial leaves and flowers, dancing in slow circles with his eyes closed and head thrown back, his arms spread wide on either side of him. He wore nothing but a pair of nearly shredded denim shorts; his chest was brown in the sun and bright with sweat, his purple hair wet and pushed back.

Adam's purpose left him for a moment as he was stunned by the sight of Kris in the afternoon light. He was glowing, the picture of blissful abandon; Adam reeled with the realization that he had never even imagined this side of Kris, or that it was even possible for him to love him more. But he did - seeing Kris lose himself like this, give himself to something that meant so much to Adam and just let himself get swept into it - made Adam's chest ache with love and gratitude.

Then his eyes caught the redness on Kris's shoulders and nose and he remembered that he was supposed to be pissed off.

"Kris!" he yelled, getting off his bike. Kris turned his head toward the sound of Adam's voice, his lips curving into a serene smile, but he didn't open his eyes or answer. "What are you doing?"

"Dancing," Kris answered. "The sun and the music together feel so good... they're like, like _gold._ But the way gold _feels._ Do you feel it?"

Adam chuckled, shaking his head. Maybe the mushrooms had been a mistake. But Kris had been like a hyperactive puppy the three days they'd been here so far, and Adam was exhausted with running after him. Kris had also been eager to have a psychedelic experience; Adam thought acid would be too much to start with, and figured maybe Kris would just want to cuddle and laugh - like Adam always did with mushrooms - and then they could finally have a laid-back day.

He was glad he'd decided to wait and see how it affected Kris before taking any himself, because this day was the farthest thing from laid-back he could imagine.

"You're burning," Adam said. "When's the last time you put sunblock on? And where's your hat?"

Kris giggled. "Mom? Is that you?" He opened his eyes, finally, and looked at Adam with a smile so sincere and full of indulgent affection that Adam felt his indignance slipping away again. He just couldn't maintain it around Kris - he was too adorable to stay mad at, even if Adam did feel like he was being run ragged.

"No," Adam said. "Just your concerned boyfriend. Who you ran away from. Who has been looking for you in a panic for the last _hour._ Speaking of your mom, though, I did promise her I'd take care of you while we were here. I don't think I will have done my job if you pass out from sunstroke or wander out into the desert." He reached into his bike basket and pulled out a bottle of sunscreen, while gesturing with his other hand for Kris to turn around.

Kris spun with a sigh, presenting his back to Adam while continuing to sway. Adam wasn't even sure where the music was coming from - it was some kind of syncopated drum beat, but the stage they stood beside was empty. It was lovely the way music and laughter were always floating in the air at Burning Man; he reminded himself to enjoy it. It wasn't like he hadn't been here with a boyfriend before, right? He wasn't sure why it seemed so different with Kris, why he felt like had to _chaperone_ him.

He opened the bottle and drizzled the lotion onto his hands, rubbing them together briskly before beginning to work it into Kris's back and shoulders. Kris hummed.

"Feels good," he said.

"I think you're going to need aloe tonight," Adam said.

When Adam finished up with his back, Kris turned to face him. Adam began rubbing lotion into his chest while Kris watched his face.

"You look tense," he said quietly. "Right here," running a finger between Adam's eyebrows. "And here," the other hand moving up to trace the frown lines on either side of Adam's mouth. At each touch Adam's expression mellowed further, until finally he looked into Kris's frank eyes and gave him a small smile. "I worry about you too, you know," Kris finished.

"You do?"

"Yeah," Kris breathed. His voice was far away, dreamy. Adam knew that feeling well; the wobbly, skewed way the world looked and felt once your mind was that loose and your senses were mingling with each other. The way everything seemed to make sense, but not in a way that had any order, only in that you understood that it didn't really _have_ to make sense. That it was just flowing, that everything was just as it was meant to be. Even when it was a little scary and weird.

Kris wound his arms around Adam's waist and pulled him close, encouraging him to sway with him; Adam's hands slid up Kris's chest to drape over his shoulders. Kris lay his head on Adam's chest and hummed as they moved. "You should be having fun, too," he said. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Can't help it," Adam said. "Will you just _try_ to listen to me and be careful? Please?"

"You feel good," Kris said, mouthing Adam's collarbone. "Smell good, too."

Goosebumps broke out on Adam's skin, which felt very strange in the sweltering heat. He sighed. "So that would be a no on the listening to me then, I guess."

"I'm listening," Kris said. "Just... _feeling_ is a lot nicer right now. You feel like... earth. Like I was floating, and it was nice, but you... you ground me and it's better. Like home. Like warm."

Adam took a deep breath, taking in the sweet sweat-and-coconut smell of Kris's skin. This little monster was maddening, but it seemed like every time he did something surprising or disarming Adam felt all the more chained to him - the feeling was wonderful but terrifying. The problem was that this entire desert adventure had seemed to be nothing but a series of surprising and disarming moments, and Adam felt like the _terrifying_ part had somehow managed to take over.

"Thank you," he said. "You feel good, too."

Suddenly the music drifting in the air changed. The mellow drumbeat was gone, replaced by soaring guitar with origins unknown - some nearby sound system? Kris made a satisfied noise against Adam's skin as his movement changed, his body reacting to the new song.

"Mmm, I want to sing," Kris said, slinking down Adam's body and up again. "Sing with me?"

Abruptly, Kris broke out of Adam's arms and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the nearby stage and then up onto it. He turned to face Adam as he stepped up, his mouth opening to sing before they had even reached the center of the small platform. It was an old classic rock tune, a singalong jam that everybody would know the words to, with riffing guitars and wailing vocals. Kris jumped into the song with intensity, a deep growling voice Adam had never heard from him before tearing out of his throat and spreading across the desert. His eyes were closed, his mouth curled up at the corners and the veins on his neck standing out as he gave the song everything he had, and Adam just stood and watched him a moment, wondering what this must feel like for him now.

He wished he had taken a little of what Kris had, wished he was having as great a time as Kris was. Wished he could locate that well of easy joy he usually found here, that Kris seemed to have found and drunk from freely already. He remembered other times here when he had _been_ like Kris was now; he knew exactly what that felt like but couldn't make himself feel it. He wondered what about having Kris here was making him so afraid, why this year was so different, and resolved to really relax. He had a few more days left, and he hoped to enjoy them.

A small crowd was gathering around the stage, he realized. People with colorful hair in little clothing, exposed skin glistening in the heat, watching Kris abandon himself in the song, rocking along with him as he barreled through it like he was playing a stadium. Suddenly Kris squeezed Adam's hand tightly and opened his eyes, saying, "sing with me," in a gravelly voice before taking a deep breath and launching into the chorus again, his knees and hips moving to the sound he was creating. The distant music that had started this impromptu concert was now lost, barely background noise behind Kris's gorgeous wail.

He'd sung with Kris before, but not _this_ Kris. And maybe that was the key to this whole thing. Maybe this new, different, _unexpected_ Kris had surprised Adam so much that it was throwing him off. For a moment all he could do was stare, struggling to find a way to even categorize the depth of feeling he had for Kris here and now. It somehow just kept manifesting itself as fear.

Kris squeezed his hand again, harder this time. Demanding. Adam opened his mouth and started in low, coming in below Kris, quieter, searching almost meekly for his place in this song, like he didn't want to intrude. Kris opened his eyes, his eyebrows knitting together as he looked up into Adam's face.

Kris lowered his voice, turning his growl into a purr, and pulled Adam in closer to him. He nodded at Adam, holding tight to both hands now, encouraging him. Adam let his throat loosen, his chest expand, felt the sound rising up and out. He shook his head as he began to sing in earnest, so perplexed by the scene unfolding him around him and the emotion bubbling within him that he felt a bit like he wanted to cry. Or laugh, he wasn't sure which.

He let his voice move up, up and over Kris's deep growl, weave around it, find harmony. Kris smiled at him, then closed his eyes again and Adam felt his tension releasing slowly by degrees. Kris looked content, like he was experiencing something truly beautiful, and it made Adam feel dizzy with gratitude that he was here to see it, to be part of it. To have brought him to it, even if it didn't happen the way Adam had imagined. Kris looked completely _free,_ and wasn't that why they were there?

People started climbing up onto the stage with them. First a girl, maybe 19 years old, with flaming red hair piled up like a fountain on the top of her head, joining them with her surprisingly raspy tone. Two men followed her, both wearing shorts that probably used to be silver but were now the color of the desert, matching their matted, dusty skin. They came in on the bridge, both voices high and sweet. That seemed to break the ice, and before Adam knew it people were climbing up onto their tiny platform from all sides, crowding it, until a dozen or more people in varying stages of colorful undress filled the air with their voices. Kris opened his eyes as the sound swelled, looking around and smiling, seeming delighted at the singalong he had started.

The crowd drew together, arms lacing around waists, as the song neared its end and the voices grew louder and more raucous. They launched into the final chorus with gusto, laughter breaking out here and there as they swayed and sang. Adam drew Kris in close, letting his voice go at full power, smiling at the joyful scene. Everything he'd ever loved about Burning Man was flooding back into his mind and he looked down at Kris to find him staring right back at him, no longer singing, a bright smile plastered on his face instead. Kris squeezed Adam's waist, then let his hand drift lower, the tips of his fingers slipping inside the waistband of his shorts. He winked, and there were those incongruous goosebumps again.

Adam let his voice drift off, his breath lost as he looked down at Kris. He brought his other arm around to pull Kris into a hug, bringing him in tight as the song ended the crowd laughed and hooted. A new song started and the ragtag choir began singing along with it, apparently not ready for this moment to be over, but Adam paid no attention as Kris's hand was dipping further into the back of his pants, his mouth moving with purpose over his bare chest.

"Love your skin," Kris said and Adam sighed.

"Let's go," he said, stepping backward toward the edge of the stage, dragging Kris with him. They stepped down, never letting go of each other as they made their way to their bikes. When it came time to part ways to make the ride back to their camp, Kris reached up and put a hand on the back of Adam's neck, pulling him down into a kiss. His mouth was dry and his skin dusty, but Adam sank into it, feeling a simultaneous releasing of tension even as a different kind began to build.

They finally broke apart, trailing hands toward each other as they got on their bicycles, and Kris was the first to pedal off, beckoning Adam to follow as he raced back toward their tent. Adam kicked off the ground with a smile and began pedaling furiously in an attempt to keep up. It was amazing to feel the breeze, amazing to watch Kris biking through the desert in the now-fading sunlight. His hair shone, unnatural but beautiful, blowing in the wind and gleaming. His skin brown, his muscles working, he looked like a dream Adam might've had but never would've expected to come true.

And to think that he'd been missing it. Fretting over him - _chasing_ him when he should've just been going _with_ him.

The sun and sand were ganging up on him again as he raced through the scattered tents and people, but this time he kind of felt like laughing about it. He brought his hand up to shield his eyes as he had before, but he seemed to have no trouble maintaining control of his bike. He felt fluid and free.

They finally reached the billowing red banner they'd hung outside their tent to mark their camp and Kris ditched his bike, letting it fall on its side as he turned to watch Adam arrive behind him. Adam dismounted and walked toward Kris with long strides, holding his arms out and wrapping him in a hug when they met, burying his face in Kris's hair.

"What do you want to do tonight?" Kris said into the skin of Adam's neck.

"Whatever you want," Adam said. "Although I think I want to start with mushrooms. You up for a little more?"

"Yes," Kris said. "That's a brilliant idea."

"We can look at the stars, maybe," Adam said.

"Mmm. I like that plan a lot." He paused. "You seem... different. Lighter."

"I feel lighter," Adam said, kissing the top of Kris's head. "Come on, let's get this party started." He pulled away, ducking into the tent and rummaging through his bag. Kris followed, sitting Indian-style on the ground and smiling like an eager child when Adam turned and sat opposite him, baggie in hand. He portioned out each share and gave Kris his - a little bit less than what he was eating, given that he'd already had some - and they both grimaced at the taste, laughing a little at each others' expressions. Adam found a bottle of water and handed it to Kris, taking a swig himself when Kris handed it back. When they were finished Adam scooted over to Kris's side, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his temple.

The sun was setting, the air beginning to cool already with the dizzying speed of the desert. The breeze blowing through the open tent door was already noticeably colder than the one that had blown through Adam's hair on the ride back.

"I love the way this feels," Kris said. "I didn't know... I mean, I thought it would be like, seeing colors and shit. Pink elephants or whatever, you know? But it's not... it's not like that."

Adam smiled. "Tell me what it's like."

"It's like... seeing more. _Feeling_ more. Like I have doors and windows and they're just opened _wider_ and more stuff can get in. But it's all... just a little bit different? I feel like this is the way it always is, but I just can't _see_ it usually... I don't know, I can't explain it."

"I know what you mean," Adam said. It hadn't come on him yet, but he knew exactly the feeling Kris was describing.

"Like you..." Kris turned his head to look at Adam, his brown eyes intense. "You're so beautiful, you know, anyway. You're just... _so beautiful._ On a regular day. But now... you're all sunny, freckles popping out everywhere and your cheeks are red and you... it's like you're _glowing._ I feel like I can hardly stand it, it's just like. It's just. Like I see you every day, and I always think how gorgeous you are, how lucky I am. But today, right now, it's like I've never seen you before at all. Like you're all... _light._ "

Adam felt like his heart was imploding inside his chest, a painful squeezing knocking the air out of his lungs. he ran a hand down Kris's cheek and stifled a gasp when Kris closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. It wasn't like they hadn't professed their love before. And it wasn't like their relationship was exactly _new_. But somehow, everything was different and scary out here. Away from everything and everybody else they knew, in a completely new and strange context, open on all sides in more ways than one, everything seemed so much more intense and unsure. Nothing was how Adam expected it to be, and Kris was different out here, too. Finding a new side of himself, a deeper, more open Kris, allowing himself to try new things and have an _adventure_ and look inside himself, and... maybe Adam had been afraid, when he realized that this was happening.

Maybe he worried that when Kris looked deeper, when he cracked himself open, he wouldn't find Adam in there.

"I love you," Adam said, his voice thick.

"I love _you_ ," Kris said, opening his eyes to look at Adam. "Why do you sound so weird?" His eyebrows knit together, confusion all over his face as Adam moved his hand back, fingers running through Kris's technicolor hair.

Adam exhaled shakily, and abruptly felt like he had blown the walls out; like the tent had suddenly expanded and contracted like lungs. _Oh._

"I... I'm sorry," he said, closing his eyes, feeling around with his mind to find his balance now that everything was starting to feel slanted and strange. When he opened them, Kris was glowing, like tiny shafts of light were seeping out of his pores in the dimming twilight. "I haven't been acting... right, since we got here. It's been weird for me and I'm. I'm sorry. I think I understand it now, but I just. I'm so glad you're here. And so... _happy_ to have you. I feel like I'm getting to know you all over again and you're not the same you but you're... you're still _my_ you. It just took me a while to figure that out. That you could be different but still be mine."

"I'm not different," Kris said.

"You are. You scare me," Adam said.

"Why?"

"Because you're me."

"I'm not you. I'm Kris."

"But... _me._ The first time I was here. Finding yourself... loving the sun and the people and the heat and the music and feeling and... and everything. Your hair."

"Do you like it?"

"I really do. It looks so fucking hot on you, really, and I can't believe... I can't believe how _blind_ I've been. To how wonderful and beautiful you are like this, abandoned and beyond control. I... want you like this all the time, but at first it was like I _lost_ something and I can't. I don't know."

"I'm still me."

"The first time I was here... I did a lot of thinking. And had some serious realizations about my life. It... in some ways I think it changed _everything._ What if that happened for you, too? Maybe you would realize..."

"Stop that right now," Kris said. "Nothing is changing. Except maybe that I understand you better now, which can only be good." He leaned forward to kiss Adam, gentle but sure. Like their first kiss, except that time it had been Adam doing the claiming and the reassuring. Adam sighed and leaned into it; at the same moment Kris was maneuvering backward, bringing Adam with him as he lay down. It all seemed to happen at once, and Adam was surprised into a breathless chuckle when he realized they were suddenly laying face to face on top of their sleeping bag.

"I don't mind if you take care of me," Kris said, his voice seeming to come from far away, though his mouth was now just below the line of Adam's jaw, moving gently over his neck as he spoke. "It's nice, actually, that you care that much." He planted a kiss just under Adam's ear, and Adam reached around his waist to pull him close. "You really don't have to _worry_ , though," Kris continued, a murmur vibrating against Adam's skin. "I'm never going to leave." His breath blew gently across Adam's hairline, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

He squirmed, pushing harder against Kris, beginning to breathe fast and shallow; he felt like he could feel his heartbeat everywhere on his skin. "OK," Adam said. "That's good."

"I should be better at taking care of you, though," Kris said, moving down to run his lips along Adam's collarbone. "Like this." A meandering line of kisses along Adam's shoulder. "If I were doing my job, you'd never doubt," he said. "Sorry. Won't happen again." He nipped at Adam's throat.

Adam ground into Kris hard, his fingers digging into the bare skin of his back; he moaned. "I love you, you know," Adam said.

Kris was panting, his breath hot and moist on Adam's skin. "I do know," he said. Then his hand snaked downward to cup Adam through his leather shorts. "I love you, too," he said as Adam pushed into him harder, hissing.

Adam felt lost in some extremity. The sky outside was orange, and the strange light filtering into the tent gave everything a halo, made it all look like a dream. Meanwhile Adam felt like his every nerve ending had been lit and was burning down, sparking like a fuse. He felt a flutter between them, and before his mind could comprehend the meaning of the quick one-two zip-zip noise, they were skin to skin, sliding against each other and Adam shuddered, arching his back.

They moved against each other in desperate rhythm, neither seeming capable of anything else, both bodies beyond control. Their legs intertwined, hands clutching as if they'd fall if they let go. All Adam saw was light, orange and gold, and he felt fire starting in his belly and licking outward through every vein, getting hotter as it went. And then he was crying out, clutching Kris and burying his face in his hair as he gasped and sobbed, experiencing explosions and soaring, wanting to take Kris with him. Moments later Kris was shivering against him, whimpering as he pressed broken kisses into Adam's skin. Adam felt like he was getting a shock with every spasm of Kris's body, like part of what he was experiencing was being transferred to Adam. Like they were one.

It felt like they were. Adam couldn't tell which of the tangle of limbs belonged to whom; couldn't distinguish his own harsh, shallow breathing from Kris's.

They stayed there, holding each other a long time. Adam felt his heart slow alongside Kris's. He felt their chests rising and falling against each other. He watched the sky darken through their small tent door, until the orange was gone and all was deep blue, with a relaxed sense of calm and satisfaction. Strength. When he turned to look at Kris he was almost lost in gloom, but Adam could make out his shape, could see the glint of his open eyes staring back at him.


End file.
